Let's stage a dramatic reading of Gil Thorp

Despite my interest in current events and the inner workings of print media, I read my local newspaper -- The News & Observer -- primarily for entertainment, not information. Each morning (or late afternoon, or whenever the hell) I grab the A section (which has the always ludicrous Opinion section in the back), Life, etc. (the lamely named weekday features section), and occasionally metro (whenever Barry Saunders has a column). On Fridays, I always grab the North Raleigh News supplement, brainkillingly boring except for the restaurant inspections.

But my attention is truly devoted to the comics, which until a few years ago (I think? it's so not worth looking up) proffered moldy three-panel shitshows Cathy, Drabble, Gil Thorp, Wizard of Id, and Hagar the Horrible. Until they got dumped for some kinda half-decent strips (like the cute Pearls Before Swine and Calvin & Hobbes semi-homage Frazz). I have this weird thing where I have to read all the comics, in order, every day. I'd dive into the inevitably shallow, inane, and misogynistic Cathy; turn a glazed-over gaze on Drabble and Wizard of Id, and marvel at how the fuck the Browne could sustain a semiliterate readership over multiple generations. But I honest to God couldn't stomach the seven seconds it took to read Gil Thorp six days a week.

Now, years later, I find myself compulsively reading This Week in Milford. Under such scrutiny, Gil Thorp is even more inscrutable and bizarrely drawn than I remember. It is also hilarious. Viz:



ETA: In the nanoseconds I spent researching this post, I discovered that Lois of Hi and Lois is supposed to be Beetle Bailey's sister! I know! I mean, it's obvious that nepotism runs wild on the comics page, but I didn't realize that shit extended to characters. This explains so much.